Sometimes a thought comes to your mind and refuses to go away. As I struggle to make sense of it… as I try to understand where that thought came from and what its significance is it continues to grow… And it gets uncomfortable.
I am not sure if you have had that similar feeling. Now you might think why don’t I say what it is… that is the problem. I cannot explain. the thought is about the future but nothing specific that I can pin point… or may be it is of the present or the past. It just does not seem to hang on to any time frame.
But it is about you… about what you do… about what you aspire to be. When do you know it is time to act… Now I feel it is time to act. Today morning as I sat to write… many topics flashed through my mind but nothing seemed important… just this feeling of beings stuck and somewhere tucked away inside me was this thorn of a thought piercing and invalidating every other strain of thought.
When ever that happens what I do is write exactly what I feel.. even if I don’t understand it… then at the end of it I get some relief.
This thought might have to do with some insecurities… may be it has to do with something that happened to be in the recent days that without me being aware has taken a place in my mind. May be I can find what it is… may be I will never… but I will keep trying… May be it has to do with this project I do where this daily writing is slowly starting to unpack me like I never thought.
Before it lets me free… may be it has to take me on a journey… either way I am going to continue my routine and see where it takes me. When there is a grind there is always a reflex that tells you don’t do it… and one needs to fight it… Today after saying so much I feel better because I can see a clarity to do some homework and open my future spreadsheet…
Yes I have a future spreadsheet that has all my ideas and plans and actions which is always open on my desktop. I will be spending time on that today… Will let you know more another day. As I leave let me leave you with a thought
“We all will feel stuck and there are times when we cannot explain, even unable to ask help.. I write my feeling down and once done I go back to life..” just like now… It might not mean nothing to anyone but it means a lot to me.. and what it means to me… I might never be able to explain…