There is an existential question that comes to mind at different times… in different ways… Where are we from and where do we belong and where are we going to.
There is a physical aspect to these questions and a psychological or for some a spiritual aspect to it. I will try to put my thoughts on both these aspects here.
Where I am from is a question I have asked myself and while India and the state Kerala is the one answer it is incomplete. I also have to say Dubai, Bangalore, Iran, London and Washington. These are all the places I have called home in my life. I have pieces of my all over there. Which comes to the second question.
I belong in all these places, not physically may be but in my mind. The moment I think of where I belong, my mind goes to all these places and my memories stop at these places and I recognize myself there. The belonging is not a physical thing for me, I connect with these places. Places where I have not been just a tourist or traveller who is passing through. I have belonged in all these places and still do.
Where am I going to…? This question on a physical aspect my answer is India and Kerala. at least now, because in the large scheme of things I think I belong there, I feel more at home there. But after decades living abroad I can’t be really use about that. I will just say I would like that. But life has its own way of dealing with you.
On a non physical level, I think from here I am going to go to a more non confrontational space. I think where i stand now in a non physical sense is quite confrontational. My behavior, actions, thoughts have a confrontational element.
That said I know that If I need to go anywhere I need to do something about it. Be it to Kerala or to the non confrontational space. To go to Kerala, I need a lot of planning and timing and preparation. For the non confrontational space, I will have to create it, Invent it for me.